1. The person giving you a lift is always an ex-hitchhiker which leads to the question, Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
2. I say person because nine times out of ten you get picked up by someone driving alone.
3. Saturday is a bad time to hitchhike as most cars are full, and if they do stop it is to take the piss out of you for running along the hard shoulder.
4. It is a good idea to have a little cardboard sign though the first thing you are asked is "Where are you headed?".
5. If you use the little or big cardboard sign method then remember to put "please". It is the difference between being hardup and needing a lift and a mad axe murderer.
6. Even with a little or big cardboard sign it is still a good idea to stick out your thumb
7. If you are a sexy, good looking girl, you won't need a cardboard sign
8. Travel light, you may need to walk the last eighteen miles in the dark.
9. You will never be asked your name and vice versa, unless you get a lift off local law enforcement officers.
10. If asked your name give a false one anyway.
11. Make sure you have a warm coat for when it gets cold and windy
12. Be prepared to listen with a look of amazement as sales reps tell you how fucking great they are.
13. Get ready to go without a fag for the duration of the lift, small price to pay.
14. If the driver is drunk then it probably isn't worth it
15. If you are a sexy, good looking girl, you won't need to stick your thumb out
16. Don't hitchhike with a crash helmet unless you are an experienced pillion passenger. Or you could become an experienced pillock.
17. Be ready to agree with whatever he says, even if you think he is talking an utter load of bollocks.
18. Do not eat lots of eggs and curry the day before thumbing a lift.
19. An umbrella is essential. They might feel sorry for you because it is raining but not if you are soaked through
20. If you are
21. If you are unsure then do not get in the car.
22. Remember, always tell an adult where you are going and what time you will be back.
23. Just be sure to keep your hip flask intact for real emergencies and not to give your kind benefactor little nips.
24. Reading during your lift is really rude as you were probably picked up for a bit of company.
25. Hitchhike alone.
26. If you hitch with friends, be honest and don't hide them in the bushes till the last minute.
27. Pretend to like the music.
28. If the guy driving the car looks young, then the car is very likely to be on the wanted list.
29. Always hitch where there is room for cars to stop.
30. Get used to the taste of coffee from motorway services.
31. If you are rich, why bother to hitchhike when you can travel in style.
32. The egg came first, just after the chicken laid it.

Get the fuck out of here